Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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