If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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