She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
