I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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