Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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