listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
