I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
