we made out on top of his cat.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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