So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
