So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
