M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
