shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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