The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
