you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize