like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
