I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I want a musical about memes.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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