Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
