So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
