I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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