i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
