smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So vagazzling was a success
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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