Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
