Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
