Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
