I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
