Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
