My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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