I didn't shave. On purpose
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize