ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Randomize
