I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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