Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
