I wannas sexs uuuuu
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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