I'm gonna have a badass scar
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
