i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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