so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Im part way to drunk.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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