ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
