My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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