I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
