I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
