Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize