got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
