i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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