put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
