my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
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