Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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