Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
