a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
