I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
