Define "chronic" masturbator.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
