This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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