I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
