Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
meet me or not, i'm out of control
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
