you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
