On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
