I'm jealous of your bromance
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
