It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My breasts were aching with rage.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
