this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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