I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
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