...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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