so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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