I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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