I love black thongs
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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