Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
