It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
