dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
