Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
