im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
