TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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