I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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