If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
