dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
