she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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