Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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