Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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