The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She bit a glass in half.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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