my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
