i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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